As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
