i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
