you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
