everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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