i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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