3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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