i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
