is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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