We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
