Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Randomize
