exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
