haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You dont lie about slip and slides
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
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