she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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