Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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