Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
