If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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