I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
