I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
