Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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