I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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