Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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