I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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