Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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