I am puke
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's just so happy...and so naked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
