is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
