i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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