Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
