You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
well you can't waste a boner
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
