I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
