mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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