His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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