I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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