We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
