I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
