Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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