You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
