Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
