Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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