he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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