i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
