Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
