covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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