Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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