im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
