She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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