What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
