uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
