Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
