But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
