Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
